My plea to the world

Not the whole world.  I guess it is just the first world.  The world with access to cameras, and internet, and food.  Any of these three items on their own are perfectly fine.  It is when we feel the need to combine them that we run into some problems. One problem.  The problem being: gross.

What was this? Maybe beans if we're being optimistic?

Facebook is used to share the best of times and the worst of times.  We feel connected to people as we share our stories, our thoughts, our feelings.  Nothing says “I feel excited” like an emoticon. Nothing says, "My gerbil is dead," like a status update. We also share our passions.  Work, family, new stories, world views, hobbies, projects, pets, health, politics, cats, and...unfortunately, dinner. 

Let us discuss the prevalent epidemic of amateur food photography.

Nutritious, and? mmm...doesn't look delicious.

I'm sure it tastes better than it looks.

I, too am passionate about food. I’ve been guilty of food paparazzi in the past.  Sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner, I have thought,”This is so good.  I’ve never had a dinner this good before.”  I take a quick picture to cherish the beautiful memory.  Then I let the devil  in my soul and I think, “I should post this on facebook.  Everyone will wish they were at my Thanksgiving dinner.” Then, I error further with that thought, and do that bad thing. Click, click, click. Picture posted. Here’s the rest of the story. The story everyone has been afraid to tell, until now. Nobody was jealous of my  Thanksgiving dinner.  They, those people who I call "friend" have also eaten a delicious dinner. And, looking at my dinner makes them ill.  That isn't friendly. They may passively “like” my picture.  5 people, maybe as many as 8 will "like" that dim-lit, squished bug looking picture.  Those people are my mom, someone who has an odd obsession with me, or the kind people who “like” everything. 

My actual Thankgiving dinner one year.
  It was delicious, but you would never know.

The kids plates. Even worse.  What was I thinking?

I am assuming that the people who take pictures of food kind of want people to be impressed on some level.  That's what facebook is for, right? It boosts our ego.  Maybe an amateur food photographer wants us to feel that their spouse is super cool and knows how to cook.  Let me validate you right now. It is cool that your significant other can cook. Or maybe that individual wants people to know they can order awesome stuff on a menu. Again, it is cool that you know how to order delicious entrees. Or, the one with the camera wants our taste-buds to be jealous of their taste-buds  “don’t you wish you were eating this,” kind of thing. People. Focus. Food pictures don’t look good.  NOBODY with access to the internet wishes they were eating that.

Something died and they put a sauce on it.

Mashed potatoes on top of  baboon guts.

Here’s what you do.  Instead of taking a picture, don’t take one.  If, for some reason, you accidently took a picture, don’t post it online.  Just develop it, and keep in a secret stash of pictures under your bed in a shoe-box  next to the expired love letters you've received over the years and don’t throw away, and for the same reason.  Looking at those pictures will hurt someone.

Good news! The exception is: Cake.  Feel free to take and post pictures of all the birthday, wedding, and baby shower cakes your heart desires.  For some reason, even with poor lighting, and bad angles they still look good, and even better, they ensue the appropriate emotion from your audience.  I am jealous of your cake. 

Something salty as a side to  something yucky.

Never, ever post pictures of dirty dishes.

A quick quiz to guide us in the right direction.

1.  Is the food I am taking a picture of cake?

If the answer is no, don't take a picture.  

If the answer is yes, take several, ensuring your camera is in focus. Post it.

2. Did I take a picture even though it wasn't cake?

If the answer is no, reward yourself with a piece of cake.

If the answer is yes, delete the picture. Never speak of this again.

Feel free to share this information with friends.  Please.  Thank you.

*All of these images were taken from my own facebook photos, and pictures friends have posted.  Thank you friends for your anonymous contributions.  You know who you are.