The Scampering Horse

I didn't end up writing a family Christmas letter this year, because writing the glossed over Christmas letter felt fake. In reality, this year was very difficult for me emotionally, spiritually, and socially. I faced the most difficult depressive episode I have ever faced in my life. It was longer, more intense, and lower than I've ever had before. In addition to depression, I had to deal with a social situation that both exacerbated the depression and created a learning experience all its own. I experienced social anxiety and panic attacks for the first time. Dealing with healing and letting go of relationships, all the while having my actions or inactions, words or lack thereof being looked at, judged, and then retold to me through the microscope of my small town added another layer of confusion, guilt, and difficulty in navigating my mental health/social/spiritual recovery. The year was hard. It pushed me in directions I didn't naturally move in. It made me miss

Today is the second snow day in a row. When I was a kid, I loved snow days. I would play in the snow, and watch movies, make crafts, my mom would bake something delicious. Playing in the snow involved intricate waterproofing involving plastic bags inside of socks, and the art of layering. I grew up in New Mexico and our snow days were few and far between, but we loved it. We would make snow ice-cream: snow, milk, vanilla, and sugar. And, I would make a giant mess involving paper, scissors, water color paints. Or maybe we would play a giant game of Monopoly. Anyways, snow days were joyful days. I am lame at snow days as a mom. I don't like going OUT in the snow, so I am stuck inside, avoiding the snow. I clean. I do laundry. I rest up, being home is exhausting, and I clean up after my kids. Not as fun. Anyway. Today is the second snow day in a row. Yesterday, I had a sick husband and a sick child, and I didn't feel so hot myself. I spent a lot of the day fevering and comp