The Scampering Horse

Bad days are bad. This is a post about depression. I am going to talk about how I have it, what I feel like in the lows, and what I do to make it through. I am also going to give a some suggestions to help support people with depression. Depression isn't who I am. I am fine 80% of the time. I don't even have to worry about it, except to avoid triggers. I struggle the other 20%. I lose 1%. If I put that into a calendar year, I have 3 or 4 bad days a year.  If you've met me, you might not even realize I have depression. Probably not. It is hard to tell what is going on in someone's head unless they tell you. I am telling you about me. Some people can probably relate, but depression is going to be individual as well. I have 3 bad days a year. Other people have a lot more, some will have less. Most of the time, depression stays at a distance and I live. I take my kids to the zoo. I wash dishes. I prepare meals. Then, I can feel it creeping on. Like a dista...

I have recently decided to try contacts. It was a casual decision. "You know, it might be nice to be able to see while I play soccer." My vision isn't so bad, but I need glasses to drive at night or I feel like I will die. I needed them in college when I sat in the back of the lecture hall.  I can't really see in movies without my glasses. It is nice to see. So, contacts. They s eemed pretty easy. A lot of my roommates had contacts. I have a couple of sister-in-laws who have them. I've seen the little ketchup like tube of saline solution next to those tiny twisty contact sized tupperware sitting on the bathroom sink. No one in my immediate family wears contacts. I was so nieve.  Contacts are like bludgeoning your eyes with your own finger. It is not intuitive. First the eye doctor stuck his scratchy fingers into them. My eyes. I know because my eyes felt like they were being rubbed with cold sandpaper. Three times. The first pair were too blurry and d...

I think 10 people read my last post before I rashly deleted it. It was a bit ranty. I apologize. I feel less ranty now. Let's see if it holds, shall we? Living with children is one of the things I try to do. I try to exercise with them. Eat with them. Do things together that we both enjoy.  I want to have one life that my family lives together. I am not the best at this, but it is what I try to do. So, I try not to watch TV shows that I can't watch with my children. This limits what I choose to see. I basically watch a lot of reality talent based competition shows. We like Phineus and Ferb. For meals, it means I eat a lot of oatmeal, potatoes, and lentils. Everyone from 10 months up can eat those things. For exercise, I play soccer at an indoor soccer league and my kids run around and my baby cries in his stroller. I call him my secret weapon. He is distracting, but not to me. I am immune. At home we do some crazy yoga and have dance parties. We go to the zoo a lot. I lo...

Last week we had a trunk or treat at my church.  Everyone dressed up in costumes and we ate chili dogs and salad.  There was a fun carnival, and face painting, and friends.  My family dressed up as characters from Peter Pan.  My baby was Peter. My two year old was the most lovely Tink ever to walk the cultural hall floors. My five year old was the politically incorrect Indian girl, Tiger Lily.  My six year old was Wendy Darling, and she kept forgetting who she was in her blue dress and curly pony tail. Ian was Captain Hook, or at least some sort of pirate.  I was an anorexic Smee. (My costume didn't get as much attention as the other ones, so...no stuffed belly). It made all my family themed costume dreams come true. Overall, I had a great time with friends.  My girls loved filling their bags with candy.    But, something bad happened at the party.  I was in line getting my chili dog, holding my baby in one arm, carrying a paper plat...

Ian is taking a CPA exam right now.  It is the one he took a few months ago and missed passing by one dinky little point. I thought I would, in honor of this occasion, share a few fun facts I've learned about CPA exams. There are four exams.  FAR, BCS, AUD, and something else.  The AUD stands for auditing.  I don't know what the other letters stand for.  He passed audit.  Today he is taking one of the other ones. Once you pass the first exam, the time starts ticking.  One year to pass all the exams.  People have exams they have passed expire all the time because they don't pass them all in the allotted time. I sure hope that doesn't happen. Each exam costs about 200 dollars to take. There are four of them. It is likely that an individual will need to take one or more exams multiple times. One must score a 75 or higher to pass.  The 75 is somewhat arbitrary based the curve of the people who take an exam in your window and such and such...

I have a bad case of the crankies.  I thought it would get better, but its been going on three weeks now. Cranky. It means that I get impatient. Impatience leads me to raise my voice, and become blamish. It is not a pretty sight. Especially if I am looking at you with my blamey eyes. Sorry.  If that happens, sorry. The day goes like this. I wake up. Earlier than I would have liked. After a night tending my baby who has become insistent on nursing frequently, and he has a cough, so I am trying to keep him hydrated, so I don't sleep well. Then I have to wake up. To kids. They instantly need stuff. Diapers changed. Then, two of the kids need their hair done, their cereal poured into dishes, and their lunches packed.  They also need reminded to get ready. Keep moving. Keep getting ready until you are ready.  It is a challenging concept for young sweet minds. Then, Ian leaves for work, and I am in babyland. Babyland is great for me for a few hours.  We ...

Dear Balloon Fiesta, I love you. And I hate you. Mostly, I love you. Watching hundreds of hot air balloons floating into the sky is magical. Really. It thrills my to my core.  I think of all the people who learned how to pilot the balloons, so many dreams fulfilled. And the coordination to get them all up in the sky of Albuquerque at the same time, and it sings to my heart. So, I came to see you Fiesta.  Up close and personal. Thursday morning. I was there before the sun came up with my four children, so we could watch the glowing dawn.  Like giant mushrooms or jellyfish glowing against the horizon. You didn't glow. The wind? I came, and brought my children. Four of them. Every single child I own. I woke them from their beds and layered on two pairs of pants, gloves on each of their hands, and took them on a bus to you. In the dark. On a bus. Without bathrooms. The ride was long. Especially since I seemed to have the bus driver set on taking the route as...