Away with the Little Kids Table

I think 10 people read my last post before I rashly deleted it. It was a bit ranty. I apologize.
I feel less ranty now. Let's see if it holds, shall we?

Living with children is one of the things I try to do. I try to exercise with them. Eat with them. Do things together that we both enjoy.  I want to have one life that my family lives together. I am not the best at this, but it is what I try to do.

So, I try not to watch TV shows that I can't watch with my children. This limits what I choose to see. I basically watch a lot of reality talent based competition shows. We like Phineus and Ferb. For meals, it means I eat a lot of oatmeal, potatoes, and lentils. Everyone from 10 months up can eat those things. For exercise, I play soccer at an indoor soccer league and my kids run around and my baby cries in his stroller. I call him my secret weapon. He is distracting, but not to me. I am immune. At home we do some crazy yoga and have dance parties. We go to the zoo a lot. I love it and they love it. We go to park days. I love talking to my friends and they love playing outside. My husband and I have recently started taking pictures for other people, and I take my baby along. He rides in a backpack while we work. This doesn't mean I don't do anything without my children, heaven's no. I take breaks.  But, I try to live my day to day life alongside my children so we experience it together.

When I was a girl, there was a Thanksgiving tradition when I was growing up of the little kids table. All the grownups would sit at the pretty table and eat Thanksgiving, while we sat at a foldout table in a different room with our paper plates filled with potatoes and turkey, and felt cast out. We were not allowed to sit at the grownup table. If anyone tried, they were told, NO. There is not enough room for you. Go to the kids table.

I am now a grownup. I understand the logistical simplicity of the two tables. Kids spill. They are messy. They are whiney. "I need more gravy. I need more juice. I spilled my juice. Yes the juice you just poured me, I spilled it. Now I need more juice." It is consuming. There are also only so many places at the big table. When a large family gathers, some sort of separation needs to happen.

So here is the issue. The one I ranted about on my last post.  Maybe I can say it better.

Some people don't like children. I have had people tell me, to my face, and within earshot of my children.

"I don't like babies."
"My son hates children."


They have said it without apology. They have said it as though anyone with a brain would feel the same way.

It hurt my feelings. But not just a little bit. It hurts my feelings, deeply. Deeply.
It feels wrong.

A child cannot help that they are a child. A child cannot choose to be less messy, less needy, or less of a child. Just as I cannot choose to be less white, or less female. It is who I am intrinsically. In a public setting it would not be tolerated for a person to say,"I don't like white people." "I hate females." But, to say, "I hate children," is somehow acceptable.

A child is a person.

Oh...I can feel the rant rising. I will try to maintain.

A child is a complete person. A person with feelings, hopes, dreams, ideas, favorites. A real person in every way that an adult is a person.  A person who is learning how the world works, and the value they have in that world. Unlike an adult, they believe the words people say. They believe that when they hear that someone doesn't like them for the very thing they are, there is something wrong with being a child. Is there something wrong with being a child?

No.

I am a woman of faith. I believe Jesus-the things he says. I believe him when he says we should be more like them. We should be like them.

I understand the inconvenience, I do. They are messy, needy, they might tell you stories about how Grace wouldn't let them play dead man's tag at lunch recess. You might not be interested in any of these things. That's OK. You can still be interested in showing a child they matter. They are a person. And, wrapped up with the messiness and incoherent stories is a person who forgives quickly, loves completely, sees the world with wonder.

So, as we gather at our Thanksgiving tables, let's all eat together. We can have co-mingled ages at two tables. If the children are with us, we can laugh as they put olives on their fingers. Maybe put a few on our own. We can all drink out of plastic cups, right? Maybe save the fancy linens for another day. Our children should be with us. On this day of gratitude. They want to eat their potatoes next to the people they love. Let's show them how there is room for them at our table. Room for them in our lives. Room for them in our hearts.