Working Mommy Problems

I only work part time. Sometimes I work 10 hours a week. Last week I worked 20. My friend and I swap babysitting so we can each go to work at our awesome job. So, she worked 15 hours or something like that, and I worked 20, so together we were pretty much full-time.

It felt full-time.

With her kids and mine, that makes 6 beautiful children. Seriously, they are beautiful. And darling. My friend, her name is Emily, has this baby that is so cute. She doesn't cry unless my one year old body slams her with love. She has the cutest rolls all over her arms and legs. The baby has milky skin and bright blue eyes, and she smiles all the time. Like when I sing to her, or tickle her under her neck. This baby ruins all other babies. But, even though the children are precious, there are six of them, so I didn't do things like: go to the grocery store, make dinner, do all the laundry, clean my house, wash enough dishes, weed my garden, paint that one wall I took all of the pictures off of so I could paint it, or write a blog post. Something had to give. I also didn't have as much time to watch Hulu and Netflix, but I snuck some in while I folded laundry. Gotta watch The Bachelorette or the world might stop turning.

Dear working women/men who do home stuff like vacuuming and cooking and care for children-you are impressive. I've been a stay at home mom pretty much since I've been a mom-which is 8 years. I was a grad-student for part of the time. I've done some little odd jobs here and there, but nothing consistent or substantial until my current job. I kind of had gotten used to taking my time with my chores, and doing what I felt like.

That luxery is gone. I have to wash the dishes when I have time for it, whether I feel like it or not. Plus, whatever time I spend working, I spend twice that much time thinking about my job.

Here is what I have found. I am a much calmer person since I have gone to work. I think my kids are cuter, and smarter, and I am -for the most part- a more patient, loving person.

Except when I am not.

The not happens when the house is a disaster, there is nothing to eat but tortillas and mayonnaise (which isn't a thing), and I can't find clean work-out or work clothes because they are all too dirty to salvage. That is saying something. I can go a day or two (who am I kidding, sometimes three) in the same clothes, so...

Then I miss me.

I miss the woman who did all that stuff at home. She was a pretty great helper. She would make breakfast, and bake muffins for snacks. That woman would call her friends and family to touch base, and listen to stories. She would grocery shop during lunch when Ian was home. Things went smoother for the family, for sure.

But, she also was going stir-crazy and feeling unfulfilled. It is such a tough balance to strike, and I don't judge a man or woman who has to make the tough call about whether to work or not. Four years ago I was LOVING my mom job. I couldn't get enough of it.  My two kids were the cutest things to me, and each day was a new adventure with them. Four months ago, I was struggling to find meaning in it all. The monotony was tedious. Same job. Same me.

Something changed.

Right now, I like the me that has a job more. She wears cuter clothes, does her make-up, jokes with her co-workers, and is really good at her job. Funny enough, it is making me better in some ways at my mom job. It is forcing me to be organized, which is a challenge. It is forcing me to plan ahead and follow through when I make plans with my children. I know being a mom is the job that really matters. I know that nobody else can take the place of my children's mother. I'm still here. Not every second of the day, but happier.

A happy mom is worth her weight in folded laundry.