The Joy of Running
I just ran a lot. The event was Ragnar. It is a thing people pay to do because our lives aren't difficult enough. And people like to do hard things together Also, it is fun. Ragnar is a 200 mile relay race where each team has a runner going throughout the day and night. Did I mention people pay to do this? I just kind of can't get over it. I paid. There is a culture surrounding the event, involving costumes, vans with writing on them, glow-sticks, and a symbol that looks like an alien butterfly.
Anyway, I had planned on doing a trail Ragnar earlier in the year. That is where you camp, and run along trails. I love camping. I love running: it seemed like the perfect combination. Unfortunately, that event didn't work out for me for a few different reasons. But, the seed had been planted in my mind to do a Ragnar, and I was waiting for the opportunity to try one out and see if it is for me.
This past Thursday morning one of my Nebraska friends named Kellly, said she had a spot on an Ultra Ragnar team that would be running the next day.
Ultra teams run the same 200 miles a team of 12 runs, and divides it by 6 runners. I am not a math scientist, but I can see that it is harder to do twice the amount of work. An already difficult event because of sleep, schedule, logistics of food, driving, post-run recovery in a van becomes harder because rest times are cut in half, and miles are doubled. Obviously,because I am stupid, this was opportunity I had been waiting for. Kelly is someone I really love and respect, and I think anything with her will be pretty awesome, so I volunteered. Just like that. Since doing the race, I feel like that was my spot the entire time, and I wasn't ready to take it yet. If I had been asked to run that race a week before, I think I would have said no. I needed that time to feel ready. I needed the rushed deadline to feel the urgency jumping in.
I did not know how the weekend would go. I wasn't sure how many miles I was going to run, or how long my legs would be. I thought I might be walking a lot. I thought I might get injured and be passing my legs off to other runners. I just thought it was something I was willing to do, and I would try my best. I washed all my running stuff in the washer, bought some Gatorade and snacks, packed all my running socks, found my two worn out pairs of running shoes, borrowed a few things for night running from runner friends, hopped in a borrowed Yukon, and off we went.
As much as I was looking forward to the adventure, I was also nervous. I got the information for my miles, and I was slotted as runner number 2, with the task of running 31 miles. My second run was an 11 mile run. I haven't run over 5 miles since February. I was apprehensive about my physical ability to accomplish my part. I have been running 3-5 miles once or twice a week, doing cross-fit in the mornings for 3 weeks, and yoga twice a week for about 2 months. Putting all the facts together didn't make me confident in my legs ability to run that far. One thing I had on my side was a lot of experience of working through physical pain, and I new I was willing to try. Also I enjoy running. Some people run because it is hard and they like to do hard things. For me, although it isn't always comfortable, currently I run because I enjoy it. After overcoming such a difficult depressive episode this past winter, I run to celebrate life. I run because I can. I run with joy. Each step is a celebration of life. It is simple. Put one foot in front of the other. I like the simplicity, and the repetition.
The run I was worried about most was my 11 mile run. I would have already run 6 miles, and 11 miles seemed a lot to do on legs that had already worked.
I started off thinking I would listen to my music. I quickly realized that was not going to work for me for 11 miles. I came up with a plan to run a mile with each of my children.
First was Julie, my 9 year old. I thought about being pregnant with her, and working on my masters degree. I felt like I had been hit by a train. I thought about how she came by a planned c-section because she was breach. I thought about her froggy legs, and her incessant baby giggle. I thought of our time in Beijing together, walking along the loud and busy streets with people staring at my baby in a backpack. I thought about what a good reader she is, how cute she was doing her first triathlon, taking breaks on the side of the pool when she needed to breath, hands high in air. I thought of how she loves creatures, and saves the worms caught on the sidewalk after the rainstorms. I thought of us doing yoga together, and her headbanging while her arms stretch down to her toes, and her adorable glasses that are constantly smudged and misplaced.
My second mile was with Tess. Tess, my beautiful child with intensity and brilliance. I thought of when she was a baby with jaundice under the blue bilirubin-lights. My heart expanded with love and devotion from one child to two, and I learned how love grows. I thought of how she tries so hard to get out of chores and throws fits about it. I thought of how her teachers rave about how good she is at math, and what a helpful big sister she is. Tess loves spending time with me and never gets as much as she wants, but smiles so big when it is happening.
My third mile was Kaylee. My nudist. She was the most adorable chubster of a baby who didn't like ANYONE except for me EVER. She would wake up when she was sleeping if someone else held her. Nursing was her favorite and she wanted to do it all the time. She is a spit fire, and every steep hill I ran down reminded me of how she approaches life-fast as possible. I thought of how her preschool teacher raved about how smart she was and what a fabulous learner my girl is. I thought of her carrying her baby kitty all through the house while she is dressed in a swimming suit.
The fourth mile was my two year old Seth. He was my water-break. While on the path I had one water station, which was a few orange water buckets with plastic cups you could use to get a drink. It was a very welcome break. Seth is also my water-break in real life. His mellow tenderness gives me a break. He loves giving me kisses and hugs. He loves his dad as well so I don't ever feel claustrophobic about his affection for me. He loves jumping off the couch, playing with puppies, throwing balls, and playing on slides. I thought about how he has recently grown from a baby to a little boy, and how lucky he is to have such a wonderful man to call Daddy, and man, he loves his daddy.
Mile 5, I ran with Ian. It was the only uphill of that run. It had rained before my run, so there was magical mist coming off the trail. There were canopy trees, and the sun was sinking lower. The run was beautiful. It was also challenging. My legs were getting more tired, and the sudden change from downhill to uphill was challenging for my problem joints. But, I had Ian to share the magic and the hard times. I thought about how we first met and became great friends our freshman year of college. I thought about our dating months (yeah, we moved fast), and our first years of marriage. I thought about how much Ian has changed and become a better man, and how easily he learns. He has become a wise man who sees situations clearly, and helps me communicate my needs. He is generous and kind. I love how smart and fun he is. We laugh about everything. I love singing with him, and watching our show at night on Netflix. There is nobody I would rather have beside me on my trail of life.
Mile 6, I ran with me. I thought about who I was as a little girl. I remember looking at myself in the bathtub one night. I think I was about 7 years old. I told my mom who was doing her hair at the mirror,"Mom, I am practically perfect. I am smart, pretty, and I can run fast." Running has been a part of my identity for as long as I can remember. I've never been the fastest. But, I've always worked really hard at it, and I've had wonderful times running cross-country, track, and then running on my own in college. I thought about how I love to laugh and make jokes. My best friends have been the people I can laugh with and joke through the tough times. I thought about my depression, and how much I missed myself. I know that sounds stupid. But, my brain was blocking me from myself. Blocking my creativity, laughter, spirituality, and love. It was empty, and I am really happy to have myself back.
Miles 7 and 8 I ran with my dad and my sister-in-law Audrey. They are special people to me, who help me find beauty and meaning in the world, and I know they love me completely, and I feel the same about them. Audrey and I have run together. We've talked about things that matter, and fears, and beautiful things. I loved sharing a mile with her. I've never run a single step with my dad, so it was fun to have him along. We saw quaking aspens with beautiful white bark, and a lovely pond. We thought about Lonesome Dove together, and enjoyed the fresh air and sunset. I thought about how I would miss my dad when he died, and how grateful I was for the time I am able to spend with him, and the loving and supportive relationship we have. It was fun to run with my dad. He was a trooper.
By mile 11, I was so filled with gratitude and beauty, I felt rejuvenated. Those 11 miles were the best miles of my life.
I completed 33.1 miles by the end of the race. It was a lot of miles. I walked some. Never an entire mile. Just a few seconds at a time, and my heart would recover, and I would run again. People passed me. When they did I said to myself"They had longer than 24 hours to prepare for this," and I would tell them good job. I also passed some people, and it was shocking. Usually they were walking. Apparently for longer than a few seconds. I didn't think they were weak when I passed them. I thought they were strong and doing their best. I told them they were doing great.
And, yeah. I feel like a world-class superhero. I did something I didn't know I could do. It seemed impossible. I trusted myself to run my best, and my best was better than I anticipated. My preparation was adequate. My training was enough. I am strong.
The friends worth having around are the ones that believe you are more capable than you feel. My Ragnar was full of those kinds of people. There was our driver Jennifer, who donated her time,despite being on antibiotics. She kept us on track, and met everyone at the exchange to cheer us on. There is Amanda Panda who I could hang out with every day, do anything or nothing and have an amazing time. She also inspires me as a runner with her drive, and joy for the sport. We also had Shelly who only had one more week than me to prepare for the race. She makes life exciting, seizes every moment and shows me what conquering fears looks like. Kelly who I love even more than when I started. Her beauty is kind of paralyzing except that she is so outward thinking, she makes friends with everyone and really sees the best in people. I met David who is strong and has a heart big enough for everyone (and mad KT taping skills for which I will always be grateful). Plus, Nate the amazing athlete and real-life Batman whose smile lights up the world. He is so fast, it is alarming.
This was the team I was meant to be on, with the people I was meant to be with.
 |
| Doesn't' that thing look like an alien butterfly? |
This past Thursday morning one of my Nebraska friends named Kellly, said she had a spot on an Ultra Ragnar team that would be running the next day.
 |
| This is Kelly. She is amazing, and I love her guts. |
I did not know how the weekend would go. I wasn't sure how many miles I was going to run, or how long my legs would be. I thought I might be walking a lot. I thought I might get injured and be passing my legs off to other runners. I just thought it was something I was willing to do, and I would try my best. I washed all my running stuff in the washer, bought some Gatorade and snacks, packed all my running socks, found my two worn out pairs of running shoes, borrowed a few things for night running from runner friends, hopped in a borrowed Yukon, and off we went.
As much as I was looking forward to the adventure, I was also nervous. I got the information for my miles, and I was slotted as runner number 2, with the task of running 31 miles. My second run was an 11 mile run. I haven't run over 5 miles since February. I was apprehensive about my physical ability to accomplish my part. I have been running 3-5 miles once or twice a week, doing cross-fit in the mornings for 3 weeks, and yoga twice a week for about 2 months. Putting all the facts together didn't make me confident in my legs ability to run that far. One thing I had on my side was a lot of experience of working through physical pain, and I new I was willing to try. Also I enjoy running. Some people run because it is hard and they like to do hard things. For me, although it isn't always comfortable, currently I run because I enjoy it. After overcoming such a difficult depressive episode this past winter, I run to celebrate life. I run because I can. I run with joy. Each step is a celebration of life. It is simple. Put one foot in front of the other. I like the simplicity, and the repetition.
The run I was worried about most was my 11 mile run. I would have already run 6 miles, and 11 miles seemed a lot to do on legs that had already worked.
I started off thinking I would listen to my music. I quickly realized that was not going to work for me for 11 miles. I came up with a plan to run a mile with each of my children.
First was Julie, my 9 year old. I thought about being pregnant with her, and working on my masters degree. I felt like I had been hit by a train. I thought about how she came by a planned c-section because she was breach. I thought about her froggy legs, and her incessant baby giggle. I thought of our time in Beijing together, walking along the loud and busy streets with people staring at my baby in a backpack. I thought about what a good reader she is, how cute she was doing her first triathlon, taking breaks on the side of the pool when she needed to breath, hands high in air. I thought of how she loves creatures, and saves the worms caught on the sidewalk after the rainstorms. I thought of us doing yoga together, and her headbanging while her arms stretch down to her toes, and her adorable glasses that are constantly smudged and misplaced.
My second mile was with Tess. Tess, my beautiful child with intensity and brilliance. I thought of when she was a baby with jaundice under the blue bilirubin-lights. My heart expanded with love and devotion from one child to two, and I learned how love grows. I thought of how she tries so hard to get out of chores and throws fits about it. I thought of how her teachers rave about how good she is at math, and what a helpful big sister she is. Tess loves spending time with me and never gets as much as she wants, but smiles so big when it is happening.
My third mile was Kaylee. My nudist. She was the most adorable chubster of a baby who didn't like ANYONE except for me EVER. She would wake up when she was sleeping if someone else held her. Nursing was her favorite and she wanted to do it all the time. She is a spit fire, and every steep hill I ran down reminded me of how she approaches life-fast as possible. I thought of how her preschool teacher raved about how smart she was and what a fabulous learner my girl is. I thought of her carrying her baby kitty all through the house while she is dressed in a swimming suit.
The fourth mile was my two year old Seth. He was my water-break. While on the path I had one water station, which was a few orange water buckets with plastic cups you could use to get a drink. It was a very welcome break. Seth is also my water-break in real life. His mellow tenderness gives me a break. He loves giving me kisses and hugs. He loves his dad as well so I don't ever feel claustrophobic about his affection for me. He loves jumping off the couch, playing with puppies, throwing balls, and playing on slides. I thought about how he has recently grown from a baby to a little boy, and how lucky he is to have such a wonderful man to call Daddy, and man, he loves his daddy.
Mile 5, I ran with Ian. It was the only uphill of that run. It had rained before my run, so there was magical mist coming off the trail. There were canopy trees, and the sun was sinking lower. The run was beautiful. It was also challenging. My legs were getting more tired, and the sudden change from downhill to uphill was challenging for my problem joints. But, I had Ian to share the magic and the hard times. I thought about how we first met and became great friends our freshman year of college. I thought about our dating months (yeah, we moved fast), and our first years of marriage. I thought about how much Ian has changed and become a better man, and how easily he learns. He has become a wise man who sees situations clearly, and helps me communicate my needs. He is generous and kind. I love how smart and fun he is. We laugh about everything. I love singing with him, and watching our show at night on Netflix. There is nobody I would rather have beside me on my trail of life.
Mile 6, I ran with me. I thought about who I was as a little girl. I remember looking at myself in the bathtub one night. I think I was about 7 years old. I told my mom who was doing her hair at the mirror,"Mom, I am practically perfect. I am smart, pretty, and I can run fast." Running has been a part of my identity for as long as I can remember. I've never been the fastest. But, I've always worked really hard at it, and I've had wonderful times running cross-country, track, and then running on my own in college. I thought about how I love to laugh and make jokes. My best friends have been the people I can laugh with and joke through the tough times. I thought about my depression, and how much I missed myself. I know that sounds stupid. But, my brain was blocking me from myself. Blocking my creativity, laughter, spirituality, and love. It was empty, and I am really happy to have myself back.
Miles 7 and 8 I ran with my dad and my sister-in-law Audrey. They are special people to me, who help me find beauty and meaning in the world, and I know they love me completely, and I feel the same about them. Audrey and I have run together. We've talked about things that matter, and fears, and beautiful things. I loved sharing a mile with her. I've never run a single step with my dad, so it was fun to have him along. We saw quaking aspens with beautiful white bark, and a lovely pond. We thought about Lonesome Dove together, and enjoyed the fresh air and sunset. I thought about how I would miss my dad when he died, and how grateful I was for the time I am able to spend with him, and the loving and supportive relationship we have. It was fun to run with my dad. He was a trooper.
By mile 11, I was so filled with gratitude and beauty, I felt rejuvenated. Those 11 miles were the best miles of my life.
I completed 33.1 miles by the end of the race. It was a lot of miles. I walked some. Never an entire mile. Just a few seconds at a time, and my heart would recover, and I would run again. People passed me. When they did I said to myself"They had longer than 24 hours to prepare for this," and I would tell them good job. I also passed some people, and it was shocking. Usually they were walking. Apparently for longer than a few seconds. I didn't think they were weak when I passed them. I thought they were strong and doing their best. I told them they were doing great.
And, yeah. I feel like a world-class superhero. I did something I didn't know I could do. It seemed impossible. I trusted myself to run my best, and my best was better than I anticipated. My preparation was adequate. My training was enough. I am strong.
The friends worth having around are the ones that believe you are more capable than you feel. My Ragnar was full of those kinds of people. There was our driver Jennifer, who donated her time,despite being on antibiotics. She kept us on track, and met everyone at the exchange to cheer us on. There is Amanda Panda who I could hang out with every day, do anything or nothing and have an amazing time. She also inspires me as a runner with her drive, and joy for the sport. We also had Shelly who only had one more week than me to prepare for the race. She makes life exciting, seizes every moment and shows me what conquering fears looks like. Kelly who I love even more than when I started. Her beauty is kind of paralyzing except that she is so outward thinking, she makes friends with everyone and really sees the best in people. I met David who is strong and has a heart big enough for everyone (and mad KT taping skills for which I will always be grateful). Plus, Nate the amazing athlete and real-life Batman whose smile lights up the world. He is so fast, it is alarming.
 |
| Jennifer, David, Nate, Kelly, Shelly, Evelyn, and Amanda |
.jpg)
What a cool idea of running with people who are meaningful to you! Good job doing such a difficult thing on so little training! I'm glad you had a wonderful experience.
ReplyDelete