My Obituary

We know it is never a funny thing when a young mother dies. And young she was.

At the blushing age of 32 Evelyn has moved to the great round-up in the sky. Evelyn Hornbarger, or is it Evelyn McNeill, we don't know since she never legally changed her name from McNeill. Yet it was changed on the records of the church to Hornbarger, so it is a matter of church vs state at this point-a legal matter in which we don't want to involve ourselves being mere writers of obituaries.

Evelyn was surrounded by family. Like, literally, since they all climbed into bed with her as she took her last breath. The two year old was asking for juice in a sippy cup. The four year old wanted a turn on the ipad, and the elementary aged children were fighting over whose turn it was on Minecraft.

Ian was lovingly caressing her face, and heard her mutter,"There just wasn't enough chocolate."

Evelyn's five brothers were shocked at her passing, and instantly began setting Ian up with eligible single Mormon ladies from their respective areas.

Evelyn was known by many. Three-hundred of her 791 facebook friends said,"I am sorry" (or a variation thereof) in a comment under the notice of her passing.  Two-hundred friends didn't get the newsfeed on their walls, and 20 friends promised to never forget her. One created a meme in her honor that did not go viral.

In lieu of charitable donations, send flowers accompanied by balloon-animals.

Comments

  1. Louise PlummerFebruary 3, 2015 at 7:34 AM

    Ha ha ha. I loved that your children got onto the deathbed.

    ReplyDelete
  2. nanFebruary 3, 2015 at 11:51 AM

    This is THE best obituary I have ever read. I would like to put you on retainer now in order to assure that you will be the one to write my obituary when I really do die. Forreal.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lizzie JonesFebruary 4, 2015 at 12:06 PM

    THIS IS THE BEST.

    ReplyDelete
  4. EmilyFebruary 11, 2015 at 2:25 PM

    How do you come up with this stuff??? Genius!

    ReplyDelete

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