Crystal Alvarado's Fictitious Obituary

It is with great curiosity we celebrate the life of Crystal Alvarado. The curiosity comes because we are people and people want to know how other people died. The answer will come shortly. 

Crystal was also known as Dora the Explorer, and Cristal, misspelling her own name until her senior year in high school. When she stumbled across her own birth certificate, verified by her social security, and confirmed by her mother, her name is actually spelled with the "y": Crystal. 

Her favorite lunch throughout her life was tortas, served with ham and avocado. She would have loved to drink them with the traditional coca (Coca-cola), but her mom wouldn't let her drink soda. Her mother was wise and prevented many cavities for her daughter. Crystal died with beautiful, undecayed teeth. (Sponsored by Colgate).

Crystal enjoyed reading, and was a high school cheerleader. The pep she gained from cheering pierced her deep in her heart, and was the ultimate cause of her early and and oddly cheery death. At her funeral, the members of the audience lifted their arms with spirit fingers in her honor, and laid black and red pom-poms on her casket.

Throughout her brief, yet purpose driven life, Crystal was a reader. 

Her dream was to be nice, and she fulfilled her destiny with honor. She said "Hi" to many people. She also said "Bueno" muchos tiempos. Crystal was fluent in English and Spanish, and would go between the two languages with the grace of a butterfly, and the beauty of a mariposa.

She leaves behind the love of her life, Stephen, and his two daughters. Her last request was "Stephen, never shave your beard, so you will look in the mirror and remember how I loved it."  While Stephen was her first love, she also had a special place in her heart for Mitch Pope and his Espanol classes. Despite her crush on Senor Pope, her favorite class was Chemistry.

   
She was known to say "I love chemistry." While standing on her tip-toes. Not often would she speak the phrase, but with great passion when conversation lent itself to sharing this part of herself. Her favorite element on the periodic table remains unknown, but she did enjoy breathing oxygen, and releasing carbon dioxide and nitrogen back into the world. "Give it to the trees" she would say as she exhaled. Again, not often, but as conversation would lend to this phrase, she would say it. And as she said "Give it to the trees," her green eyes would look up at the trees, and the trees would shake their leaves with the Nebraska wind as a thank you, and a nod to her beauty.

Then she would laugh at herself for saying something so silly as "give it to the trees."  "Who says that" she would say. Her laugh would start with a giggle, explode into a chuckle, and end in a snort.

   
For those of us who experienced the snort, we will never forget its adorableness.

To earn her vast fortune, she worked at North Elementary as Kim Hofrock's personal assistant, and cheerleader, and favorite adult to many children. She filled their lives with pep, again, the unpredicted and unfortunate cause of her death.

Crystal leaves behind a thriving selfie career consisting of thousands of images ranging from close to her eyes, to as far as her arm could extend. And she leaves a deep love for her family.

 
She was also an undiscovered a Snapchat prodigy.

 

We will miss you Dora. Explora-lora the great unknown, and when we take a selfie, or see a beautiful beard, we will think of you. We will think of you and smile, and maybe snort.