This is a lot about modesty and clothing

I finished reading "A Handmaid's Tale" yesterday by Margaret Atwood. What a book. It made me think a lot about what women expect other women to do, and how we punish each other. I totally do this, and I have ever since I was little.

Growing up I was told a lot about "modesty." For me, this meant not showing my shoulders, and having shorts that were only a couple of inches above the knee. I never wore bikinis. Like, I've never worn a bikini. These rules were enforced by my mom, especially. Modesty in this sense were important to her. I'm not sure exactly why, but I do remember her telling me that boys would see me in short shorts and think it was awesome because it was only a short way to my lady parts. I remember saying, "That's on them. Their thoughts are up to them."

Ok, so my thoughts on modesty have changed a bit, and I am sort of confused about what I think and what I want to teach my girls. In the book the women were completely covered in public. The main character even had a hat covering with wings that limited her peripheral vision, and people couldn't see her face. Society or religion, since it was basically the same thing in this book, told her the covering were to keep her pure. Everyone in her position in life wore the same clothes, down to shoes. The clothes were given to them, and they had no choice in style or material, or anything. It felt oppressive.

However, there were other women that were living as prostitutes that wore very little clothing, lingerie, cheerleading outfits, bikinis and whatever wasn't burned in the purging of the society. They lived at a club and worked at night. They were there to service the men. They also didn't have much of a choice in their clothing.

Both groups of women were forced into their positions. Probably by men initially, but women enforced the roles both formally and informally. There were women who would physically injure the females they were in charge of in order to keep the structures in place. Women would turn each other in for walking outside of the lines. There was no trust.

Here's the thing, the clothing on the outside did not reflect the desires of these women. They were forced into it. This is where I struggle. Modesty is reflected in different cultures in many different ways. Women cover their heads in some cultures, and their entire bodies in others. In my religious culture, we cover out shoulders and wear clothing to our knees.

To me, modesty is a state of mind. It is humility. It is acknowledging a greater power than my own. This can absolutely fall in line with the dress code. However, the outside appearance does not reflect the desires of a woman.

When I am exercising, I wear tank tops. I freaking love wearing tank tops. Love it. They are comfortable and allow freedom of movement. My exercise lately involves cross-fit and long distance running. With my clothing,  I am able to control my body heat and avoid chafing. My preference is tank tops. Lots of women chose other options. For my booty region, I wear tight clothing, usually capri leggings, but sometimes shorts. This prevents clothes from riding up into places it doesn't belong, and again, prevents chafing. Chafing prevention is really important, and I will basically do anything necessary to prevent it.

Sometimes when I am wearing my workout clothing, I look in the mirror and think how freaking cute I look. Sometimes I look in the mirror and notice every flaw. When I am working out, I don't think about how my body looks, I am thinking about form, and fueling, and comfort. I think about my feet way more than my shoulders.

People may look at me and think I am not modest. It probably happens. I have a lot of pictures on facebook either before or after running, and those shoulders are showing. I've certainly though other women weren't modest, and I despise that part of me. Why does it happen? Why would I look at a woman and think about anything except her value as a person with beautiful ideas, love, and struggle? How does her clothing in any way reflect her inner self? It doesn't. I know it doesn't because I am friends with many women and their clothing is what is on the outside, and their person is what is on the inside. I think I've been trained to do it. I think I've been both formally and informally taught what is appropriate clothing for a woman, and my brain does it automatically.

I don't have a solution for this issue. I really don't. I don't know what to tell my little girls. I have one daughter who thinks everything is revealing, and is constantly layering up t-shirts and leggings under dresses. She also lets her sisters know when they are wearing things too short. I have another daughter who runs around naked, and if she is wearing underwear, we are all really happy about it. My husband and I don't even completely agree on what is appropriate for our girls. I think we are coming from the same place and it looks different to each of us.

While I don't have a solution, I do have a thought. Let's try not to judge each other. Let's be gentle on one another and realize that clothing is a choice, and it is beautiful that we have choices.