Many Things
We recently made a trip to Apache Junction, Arizona. Ian's dad had a heart attack, and died, and was brought back to life through CPR and intubation. For a couple of weeks there I had a lot of worry about him and what it would mean to Ian, and my own grief to process. Thinking about mortality is hard. Dads in the ICU is hard. Over our spring break we were able to visit the Mesa area, spend some time with family, hang out briefly with friends, and enjoy the sun. Also soda. Turns out I love soda, especially mixed sodas such as can be purchased from Sodalicious, and Soda Rush. I prefer Soda Rush, and my drink is the Miguel: Coke, coconut, and fresh lime. It is the best thing ever. Some other highlights from the trip were meeting my facebook friends the Rogans, having lunch at Cafe Rio with Janette Skinner, Thai food with Boyce and Jeremy (college friends) going to the beautiful Gilbert temple on my own, rock wall climbing with Jenifer Hall, visiting with Kristi Harris, getting photos taken/meeting the treasure Darby Simon, taking a daughter to urgent care for strep throat, visiting with Grandma Vaudice, eating fresh oranges off the tree, treating my 5 year old for a scorpion sting, eating from the Gilbert food-trucks and listening to music, and playing pool (as in cut-throat not the kind where you swim) with Ian, Spencer and Miriam.
Back on the homefront in Nebraska, I have been increasing my distance in preparation for my first marathon in June.
Distance training was going well, I felt strong, I felt awesome, I felt like the only limit I had was time--- until my latest 16 mile run. That is the furthest I have gone at one time. On that run I thought "I hate running," many times on that run. It was windy, and even though I was running with a group, I ended up at a pace that left me my own for seven miles or so, which is not my favorite. I much prefer running with people. So, I mooed at the cows near the feed lot, and they did not moo back. Lazy little...The rows and rows of cows looked at me like I was crazy. They are just standing there, not mooing, and I am the crazy one? Also, my left hip is getting angry at me because I have hip flexor issues (very common), and my lower back is angry at me because I don't know how to keep my chest up and engage my core when I am doing deadlifts, squats, and pushups (dang it). I went to chiropractor Kate yesterday, so the back and hips should feel a little better. Also I know I need to do my clamshell hip exercises, and also the painful rolling thing with my foam roller on my IT band all the way down to my hips.
The good thing about running is it makes my heart bigger. I think this is both in a figurative and literal way. I am making my heart pump faster, so it needs to get stronger in order to do the work of oxygenating my body. My heart literally grows. I am also talking with people every week, and they talk to me, and listen to me, and I just fall in love with them all making my heart hold more love and compassion. There is something very connecting about conquering physical challenges with people, and learning about what is in their hearts. I love the laughter, the music, the swearing (not naming any names---Shelly) the stories, and the insight.
One thing I've been struggling with is keeping my diet clean and eating enough. I know, so many of you want to punch me for having the problem of not eating enough, but hey, my blog, my problems. (Just kidding. You can tell me about your problems. Go ahead. I'm listening. Oh, nothing to say? Ok, then. I will just tell you about mine again). I have a hard time getting in the quantity of nutrition I need to sustain my active lifestyle, and it is a struggle. The convenient stuff I want to go for for quick energy (crackers, bread, cookies, candy, etc.) is not conducive to giving me the fuel I need to feel good, and meet my physical goals, and it has been a huge struggle as my mileage has increased. I either have to figure out a new normal as far as clean eating is concerned, and invest the time it takes to do it, or face the reality that I am choosing my current food over physical gains, which will limit what I can do. I'm no quitter, so I am going to keep at this one until I figure it out.
Depression has been an issue the past few months as well. Not a new problem, but a constant one. The winters are soooooo long, and I have had several stressful life occurrences and triggers (Paris bombings and Brussels anyone?) that have caused my mental illness to remind me of its existence. Church is still hard. I've met with my bishop in an effort to come to terms with my reality and my struggles. One of my issues is that I don't feel good at church. That warm, fuzzy feeling, the burning of the bosom that tells me things are right? I used to get that, and I don't anymore. I am trying to figure out how much is mental illness, and how much is me. Maybe I have lost my beliefs? It is really hard to tell. He gave me a new way of thinking about things, that I really like and have been working with. Maybe I don't get personal revelation the same way I used to, but that doesn't mean I don't get it. I need to relearn how I feel God in my life. This makes sense to me. I don't train physically the same way I did before children. I don't study for college classes the same way. It makes sense that the method of feeling inspiration and truth would also change, so I am trying to open myself up to new possibilities of recognizing divinity in my life. I think writing is a good way for me. When I write, I reflect and frame experiences in a new way, so I feel I need to write more about this particular topic so I can practice feeling God's influence through my words.
At home, we made a fun home video about our pet goldfish. We have two goldfish that some friends gave us before they moved to Kentucky, and we did some talking heads about them. It turned out adorable, thanks to Ian and our new studio lights. The kids have been busy reading, making little art projects. My five year old writes her name, and "Mom" on everything she does at school, so I know I am always on her mind. My three year old has been punching teachers at preschool and I am going to have to blame myself and my love of Holly Holm a little bit for that. We have been taking our dog on more walks as a family outside with the weather warming up for a bit. The trip to Arizona was really fun. The kids are rockstar travelers, and we had a great time being smushed together in our van.
Work is hard and good. Being a teacher is wonderful and exhausting. I feel education is a good career for me. My passion certainly comes through. I have learned so much about my strengths and weaknesses as a person and an educator. I feel the refining coming through experience, and the wins and the losses. My greatest strength is my love for the students. I care about them, and I love learning. I get more excited then they do about the material we learn. My biggest annoyance is laziness, and my patience has gotten really thin recently for this particular attribute. Don't be lazy! My greatest weakness is organization and details (I am so not surprised). My greatest reward is relationships with students and co-workers. I also love when a student gets it. Those a-ha moments are very satisfying!
I am still working at the radio very part time. There are so many things to learn about what buttons to push, and it takes awhile to learn it all. I can't do much of anything on my own, but I feel like I am getting better at it, and talking into the microphone and listening to music is quite delightful. Narcissistic much? Why yes, I believe I am.
Acting is also happening in small doses. Theater is an excellent method of expression for me. I really like pretending like I am someone else for a short amount of time. And if I get to do an accent, it is even better. The stage is my friend, and I plan on continuing the acting thing. It is my playground. I also helped a little tiny bit with the high school speech students, and that was exciting. There is something about visual, tangible, speaking words to an audience that brings life and meaning to literature. It a deep and beautiful side to humanity.
But guys, seriously, drink a Miguel. Yum.
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| The Rogabargers. Loved this! |
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| Climbing with Jen. She is invisible in this picture, but you know she's there. |
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| Kristi! Love her. |
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| Jeremy and Boyce. Still some of my favorite people. There is NEVER a dull moment with these guys. |
Back on the homefront in Nebraska, I have been increasing my distance in preparation for my first marathon in June.
 Lupita, Kelly, Shelly, Amanda, Evelyn, Buffy, and Cassie |
| My running crew on this particular Saturday. We "only" ran 7.5. Seriously, who says only 7 miles? |
The good thing about running is it makes my heart bigger. I think this is both in a figurative and literal way. I am making my heart pump faster, so it needs to get stronger in order to do the work of oxygenating my body. My heart literally grows. I am also talking with people every week, and they talk to me, and listen to me, and I just fall in love with them all making my heart hold more love and compassion. There is something very connecting about conquering physical challenges with people, and learning about what is in their hearts. I love the laughter, the music, the swearing (not naming any names---Shelly) the stories, and the insight.
One thing I've been struggling with is keeping my diet clean and eating enough. I know, so many of you want to punch me for having the problem of not eating enough, but hey, my blog, my problems. (Just kidding. You can tell me about your problems. Go ahead. I'm listening. Oh, nothing to say? Ok, then. I will just tell you about mine again). I have a hard time getting in the quantity of nutrition I need to sustain my active lifestyle, and it is a struggle. The convenient stuff I want to go for for quick energy (crackers, bread, cookies, candy, etc.) is not conducive to giving me the fuel I need to feel good, and meet my physical goals, and it has been a huge struggle as my mileage has increased. I either have to figure out a new normal as far as clean eating is concerned, and invest the time it takes to do it, or face the reality that I am choosing my current food over physical gains, which will limit what I can do. I'm no quitter, so I am going to keep at this one until I figure it out.
Depression has been an issue the past few months as well. Not a new problem, but a constant one. The winters are soooooo long, and I have had several stressful life occurrences and triggers (Paris bombings and Brussels anyone?) that have caused my mental illness to remind me of its existence. Church is still hard. I've met with my bishop in an effort to come to terms with my reality and my struggles. One of my issues is that I don't feel good at church. That warm, fuzzy feeling, the burning of the bosom that tells me things are right? I used to get that, and I don't anymore. I am trying to figure out how much is mental illness, and how much is me. Maybe I have lost my beliefs? It is really hard to tell. He gave me a new way of thinking about things, that I really like and have been working with. Maybe I don't get personal revelation the same way I used to, but that doesn't mean I don't get it. I need to relearn how I feel God in my life. This makes sense to me. I don't train physically the same way I did before children. I don't study for college classes the same way. It makes sense that the method of feeling inspiration and truth would also change, so I am trying to open myself up to new possibilities of recognizing divinity in my life. I think writing is a good way for me. When I write, I reflect and frame experiences in a new way, so I feel I need to write more about this particular topic so I can practice feeling God's influence through my words.
At home, we made a fun home video about our pet goldfish. We have two goldfish that some friends gave us before they moved to Kentucky, and we did some talking heads about them. It turned out adorable, thanks to Ian and our new studio lights. The kids have been busy reading, making little art projects. My five year old writes her name, and "Mom" on everything she does at school, so I know I am always on her mind. My three year old has been punching teachers at preschool and I am going to have to blame myself and my love of Holly Holm a little bit for that. We have been taking our dog on more walks as a family outside with the weather warming up for a bit. The trip to Arizona was really fun. The kids are rockstar travelers, and we had a great time being smushed together in our van.
Work is hard and good. Being a teacher is wonderful and exhausting. I feel education is a good career for me. My passion certainly comes through. I have learned so much about my strengths and weaknesses as a person and an educator. I feel the refining coming through experience, and the wins and the losses. My greatest strength is my love for the students. I care about them, and I love learning. I get more excited then they do about the material we learn. My biggest annoyance is laziness, and my patience has gotten really thin recently for this particular attribute. Don't be lazy! My greatest weakness is organization and details (I am so not surprised). My greatest reward is relationships with students and co-workers. I also love when a student gets it. Those a-ha moments are very satisfying!
I am still working at the radio very part time. There are so many things to learn about what buttons to push, and it takes awhile to learn it all. I can't do much of anything on my own, but I feel like I am getting better at it, and talking into the microphone and listening to music is quite delightful. Narcissistic much? Why yes, I believe I am.
Acting is also happening in small doses. Theater is an excellent method of expression for me. I really like pretending like I am someone else for a short amount of time. And if I get to do an accent, it is even better. The stage is my friend, and I plan on continuing the acting thing. It is my playground. I also helped a little tiny bit with the high school speech students, and that was exciting. There is something about visual, tangible, speaking words to an audience that brings life and meaning to literature. It a deep and beautiful side to humanity.
But guys, seriously, drink a Miguel. Yum.
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Love you, EvMcBarger
ReplyDeleteWith regard to feeling the spirit, I have come to some of my own conclusions I thought I might share. I feel that as we age in the gospel, we have to work a little harder to feel the spirit. It comes easy at first. Like training wheels. Then as the feeling becomes more familiar and as we become deeper humans, Heavenly Father gives us the opportunity to reach a little further within ourselves and work a little harder on our own before showing us His light. I think partially to encourage obedience, but also so we don't rely so much on His light alone and embrace our own light. I am still pondering on this one. Let me know if you come up with any insights to share :)
ReplyDelete