Not the Queen of Anything

My last post, when I ran 33 miles in one day, I was the queen of the world. Today, I ran 0 miles and I am the queen of nothing.

Work was hard today. I wasn't feeling one-hundred percent physically-tummy issues. Also, I was tired. Plus, since I am new and taking each day as it comes, I wasn't absolutely prepared in every way for every class period, and my students were in and out of classes testing for NEWA (that stands for something), so they were off their schedule.

Also, I got out of bed late, and my two year old didn't have any clean shirts so he had to re-wear yesterday's dirty shirt, and I was out of peaches for breakfast and I had to have apples with my cottage cheese instead. Peaches are better. And these were not the first defeats of the season.

Last week I spent a ton of time with my dad fighting a speeding ticket in Sterling, CO, and the judge was nice but didn't like my defense and I had to pay that stupid ticket anyway. Don't get me wrong, I am still glad I went to court. I think everyone who gets a speeding ticket should go to court. It would bog down the court system and speeding tickets would turn from a cash-cow into something else. I just wanted to win my case and bog down the system. That police officer wasted me, and the judge did not think I was adorable.

This weekend I had a great weekend hiking with my friend in Boulder, CO.  We hiked Bear Peak. We ate Cafe Rio, and swam with her kids, and had an overall absolutely delightful weekend. But, there was a shadow. I didn't want the shadow, but despite my desires, the truth is, it was there.

But, this weekend was also a reminder of something I am no longer part of, and as much as I wish it didn't matter, obviously it still does. Someday I will be able to write about this experience, but I can't yet.

I have also been rehearsing for a play in the evenings, and getting in most of my workouts, and trying to wade through my first year teaching. I am not home with my kids as much as I was over the summer. 24/7 is way more than 1-2 hours/day.

I guess you can say I am feeling overwhelmed, a bit inadequate, and kind of exhausted.

Today is one of those days where I will be happy to have my head hit the pillow. The pillow will be relief. And I will also eat chocolate. I might even drink a vanilla Coke. It is that kind of a day. Plus, I have no idea what we are having for dinner. It is 5:18. I would like to have an idea.

But, tomorrow in 7th grade English we are going to read this:

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak out for me. 
-By Martin Niemoeller

So, I have tomorrow. It will be better.


Comments

  1. MelissaSeptember 9, 2015 at 6:38 PM

    First off I am totally in love with tomorrow's lesson. I'm sending hugs for the shadows that are hard to shake. Sodas for the calming effect. And lots of love. We are right here with you. Trying to do what we can and almost always wondering if it was enough. Your words are healing for me as you boldly share the truth. Some days are good and some days are tough. I love your guts.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownSeptember 10, 2015 at 7:34 AM

    sending lots of love :) Erin Fugal

    ReplyDelete
  3. Stacy BSeptember 11, 2015 at 9:56 PM

    Being a first year teacher and a mom must be hard. I think being a more seasoned teacher and a mom is hard. I'm glad you eat cottage cheese and peaches for breakfast. :) Breakfast of champions, I say. And tomorrow's lesson sounds great.

    ReplyDelete

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