My Fourth Grade Broken Heart

When I was in fourth grade I had two best friends. One of them I had been best friends with since 2nd grade. Best Friends Forever. She was slightly taller than I was, which was kind of amazing because I was pretty tall, so we ended up on the same basketball team together in 3rd grade and we played posts opposite each other. We had our own thing going on under there, and we would switch on a hand signal. I remember one time we went to Albuquerque with her mom and she had cabbage patch dolls that we each held in the backseat and we giggled. We giggled a lot. So much her mom told us to stop. It made us giggle. The other friend had just started coming to our elementary school, but we all went to church together so she joined in out little threesome. We played on "the bars" at recess. They were the two parallel bars that stood slightly higher than waist level. We practiced for the olympic gymnastic routines we were sure to be in one day by twirling and flipping on the bars. We ate lunch together, and made up a few dance routines. It was so fun to go to school every day and see my two best friends.

One day I went to school and my two best friends were no longer my best friends. They actually weren't talking to me. They actually were pretending I didn't exist. Walking away from me at recess. Whispering to each other in class during silent reading.

It was devastating. My heart was broken. My best friends had broken up with me, and I didn't know why. I came home from school crying. I told my mom all about my broken heart. She took me to the school and we talked to their moms inside my big brown van.

Talking to their moms didn't make my best friends want to be friends with me. They still didn't want to talk to me. They still pretended like I didn't exist. It was very painful.

I had to make new friends.

So, I did. I made friends with Regina, Maria, Aaron, Rachel, the twins Melinda and Miranda, Lori, Valerie and so many more. My life changed from that moment. It got bigger. My heart held enough friendship for them all.

And it changed me. I never ever wanted to make anyone feel the way I felt. Excluded. Not enough. Not because of me.

I have not always been successful in this endeavor. There was the study abroad where I became part of "The Five." It was very dramatic and ended in tears. But, I really try.

I had to watch a variation on this story played out by my oldest daughter when she went into 1st grade. We had moved from an apartment to a house, and our school changed. My daughter wanted desperately to play with two girls who were best friends. She tried for two months to play with them at recesses and lunch. They never did let her in. One of them made rules where she couldn't talk during their games. They made her look for them at the playground where they would hide from her. I encouraged her to find friends who wanted to play with her. She finally did, and was much happier.

Mothers of daughters, lets teach our girls to be inclusive. Having a "best friend" helps us feel like we belong, but it might make others feel like they don't.  And we need each other. We need all of us.
I want my daughter to experience bravery, excellence, kindness, gentleness, intelligence, and encouragement from the girls around her.

Will you can tell your daughter the same thing? Then, maybe fourth grade won't have to break anybody's heart.