The Scampering Horse

Lil' Cornbread. That's my rapper name. I found out through my friend Deja's Ruddick's LulaRoe facebook group . It was possibly the best thing that happened to me that day. I've been doing the mom thing lately. Heavy on the mom thing. Making lunches for school, forcing my children to brush their hair in the mornings, looking for shoes before we go anywhere, managing tantrums about homework, enforcing chores, and occasionally making dinner. Usually Ian makes dinner, which is awesome, but sometimes I do it. I know, you're impressed. It's impressive. On the particular day of my name giving, I made a crock-pot of pinto beans, and a double batch of cornbread. My kids freaking loved this meal. They put cheese on those beans and went to town with the honey and butter on the cornbread. Not only was the meal on the cheap, but it was received with enthusiasm. The graphic where I got my name ended up being Lil' and the last thing you ate together, and that is y...

I've spent the last year treating my depression with increasing intensity. While I was teaching last year, I took several days a month for medical visits. I saw a psychiatrist for the first time, increased my counseling sessions-traveling to Denver every month. I trained for a marathon, and spent a few minutes every day writing. Things were going pretty well, and I felt like I had a handle on my mental health. Then, I had a shattering life event that ripped the ground from beneath my feet. The news came to me on a Thursday. I couldn't get to my counselor over the weekend. Monday, I went to work. I was home before 9:00 in the morning, sobbing. By that night, I had suicidal ideation more intensely than ever before. I'd never before had a plan, but this time I knew exactly where, and what I would do. It was terrifying. I reached out to a group of friends that I consider home. They told me they understood. They told me they would sit with me in the darkness. I was able to s...