On this, the 8th year of marriage

On the eighth year of marriage my true love gave to me, a blog post about being married. I know, Ian is SOOOOOO lucky.

I've learned a lot by being married to Ian. Every year, I learn more of what I don’t know.  So the thing is, I was single for 21 years.  I was pretty confident as a single gal.  I sort of got awesome at dating, getting good grades in college, scheduling my time, and getting in some great workouts and daily scripture studies.  I knew my stuff.  Guess what?  Pretty much none of that knowledge and confidence transferred to maintaining a marriage, organizing a household, and raising children.  

First year: I get really sick when I’m pregnant, and I have depression.  That means a lot of things to a newly married couple. I had my first baby girl, who I loved with everything I am.  I tested Ian a lot, and he proved to be very loyal and understanding. We also met Ian’s birth mother, which was wonderful.  I learned I don’t know who I am.  What I thought I was good at became irrelevant with marriage and motherhood.  I need to be good at other things.

Second year:  We traveled to Beijing, China while Ian studied Mandarin. I learned that I was not normal to a city of 20 million people.  I was young and married while Ian was a student, none of these things were normal to a city of 20 million.  We had a 9 month old baby.  I fed my baby bananas and raisins, and didn't have her layered in pillows for clothes.  I wasn't doing it right, and the Grandma’s on the buses let me know. I learned that cultures are really different, and I don’t know much about the Chinese.

Third year: We had baby number two. We lived in a tiny house in downtown Las Cruces. One thing I loved about Beijing was all the walking.  I tried to walk more in Las Cruces. Everyday I didn't have to drive a car was a happy day.  I would walk with my baby to the park, the library, the farmers market.  I did have to drive to my college classes while I continued working on my master’s degree. I learned I didn't  know how to cook that well.

Fourth year:  Ian graduated from New Mexico State University with an accounting degree.  I stayed at home with the girls and kept plugging away at my degree. We lived in Grants, NM for a few months and I did the practicum part of my degree at Grants High School, and Ian commuted to Albuquerque as an intern. I learned I didn't know what being a parent really entails.

Fifth year: Ian started his job at Grant Thornton in Albuquerque. The family moved to two bedroom apartment in Albuquerque and we thought we were living the life.  We could walk to the grocery store, and the park. I finished up my masters degree, which felt like a HUGE accomplishment. Ian was bringing home a paycheck as an auditor, and my little girls were completely adorable.  I learned I still didn't know what I wanted to be when I grow up.

Sixth year:  I was reminded that I get really sick the first part of pregnancy and our third little girl was born.  I loved having a baby again. I rode a bike with a trailer and a baby seat so I could take Julie to kindergarten up the road. I knew it was “up” because I was on a bike pulling a trailer filled with children. Ian’s was still an auditor, but for Moss Adams.  I don’t know much about fixing broken cars.

Seventh year:  Guess what? I get even sicker when I am pregnant.  That was awful. It is closer in memory so I can still feel the nausea, starving hunger, and fatigue.  I threw crackers to my kids while I sprawled myself across the couch. We thought Ian was going back to school for his MBA at Thunderbird.  He studied for his GMAT, was accepted to the program, and then we looked at the numbers for our family to have the required health insurance and the amount of debt we would go into and pulled the plug.  Being an auditor for a public accounting firm never seemed so dreamy. I have serious doubts about my wifing abilities.

Eighth year:  We purchased our first home together In Albuquerque and baby number four was born.  A little boy.  Oh, he is so cute.  We have a second grader, a kindergartner  and a two year old in addition to the baby.  I still love walking Julie to school and home. A van has become essential for family outings, and we are super cool.  I don’t know how to decorate.

I guess I thought I would have more figured out by now.  I am 30, been married for 8 years, and I am a parent to four individuals.  Every year I learn more what I don’t know.  But I do know some things, and I believe even more.  I know how much I love my children.  I get crazy amounts of happiness from watching them develop talents. I know how to cook a tasty pork chop, and amazing chocolate chip cookies.  I love my husband.  I know I love being with Ian and spending as much time as possible with him. I know I love to write, and read.  So, I know a few things.  They just aren't the things I thought I would know.  I think that’s OK.  But I don’t know for sure.