The Scampering Horse

Oh, and I took your headphones. A passing thought I share as I move in for a goodbye kiss. I'm off to Utah. Tra-la-la. But, the tra-la-la didn't happen. YOU WHAT? Ian's beautiful face recoiled, turning the goodbye kiss turned into a not kiss. The beautiful face became distorted into a face that looked like it was eating spring salad mix. I try to explain my choice, confused about why I need to even justify this decision. "Well, you broke mine, and I didn't have any, so I'm borrowing yours." I look him in the eye, and he takes a few deep breaths.  "Can you think of another option?" I realize my logic is flawless, here, but somehow, I'm still not in the right. I can tell because salad face is still there. Ian is walking backwards from me. "But they are new, and for the computer." I smell something. I think it's desperation. "They're for the computer? But I see you walking all around the house with them hooked up t...

My father-in-law is one of the men of legends. Anyone who has met him has a story. He is a man of deep passion, eclectic interests and communication, he can literally fix anything, and he loves to serve. Put all of these things into a Charles, and there are stories-especially with his children. I'm fortunate to be married to one of them so when the siblings get together there are stories of tiling floors, ordering pizza when his wife wanted to eat food storage for a week, a Corvette in process of repair in the garage, searches of treasure, gun shooting adventures, and on and on.  Charles recently broke his hip. Ouch. Seriously. Both in the breaking and repairing of the hip. We've all been worried. Living far away is really hard at times like this. My heart, and my husband's heart with with Mom and Dad in Arizona.  During Thanksgiving, the Hornbargers were reunited. Ian, his brother Spencer with Miriam, and his sister Beth with Brandon. Spouses of in-laws are fun. We ...

"I'm going to miss you." I had some tears coming out of both my eyes by then. It feels awkward crying to an image on a computer screen. It was far less awkward when we met in person. My counselor had the best tissues, and there were boxes all over the office. Forgetting that I cry every time, I usually ended up wiping my eyes and nose on my sleeve.  This was what I was doing when I closed the computer screen after not making a return appointment. Graduating from counseling wasn't like graduating from high school. Nobody was there. I didn't have a party. I didn't even get the chance to buy a pretty dress and new shoes, because I didn't know I was graduating. I mean, I knew I didn't need my counselor multiple times a day like I used to. I wasn't suicidal anymore. I wasn't climbing through a marsh in my mind to find the light like I used to. I wasn't having panic attacks at church. I wasn't swallowed up in a pit of self-doubt, and judg...

Lil' Cornbread. That's my rapper name. I found out through my friend Deja's Ruddick's LulaRoe facebook group . It was possibly the best thing that happened to me that day. I've been doing the mom thing lately. Heavy on the mom thing. Making lunches for school, forcing my children to brush their hair in the mornings, looking for shoes before we go anywhere, managing tantrums about homework, enforcing chores, and occasionally making dinner. Usually Ian makes dinner, which is awesome, but sometimes I do it. I know, you're impressed. It's impressive. On the particular day of my name giving, I made a crock-pot of pinto beans, and a double batch of cornbread. My kids freaking loved this meal. They put cheese on those beans and went to town with the honey and butter on the cornbread. Not only was the meal on the cheap, but it was received with enthusiasm. The graphic where I got my name ended up being Lil' and the last thing you ate together, and that is y...

I've spent the last year treating my depression with increasing intensity. While I was teaching last year, I took several days a month for medical visits. I saw a psychiatrist for the first time, increased my counseling sessions-traveling to Denver every month. I trained for a marathon, and spent a few minutes every day writing. Things were going pretty well, and I felt like I had a handle on my mental health. Then, I had a shattering life event that ripped the ground from beneath my feet. The news came to me on a Thursday. I couldn't get to my counselor over the weekend. Monday, I went to work. I was home before 9:00 in the morning, sobbing. By that night, I had suicidal ideation more intensely than ever before. I'd never before had a plan, but this time I knew exactly where, and what I would do. It was terrifying. I reached out to a group of friends that I consider home. They told me they understood. They told me they would sit with me in the darkness. I was able to s...

My cat, prince, has been cheating on me for the past two years. He has lived months at a time at the neighbor's house. We've had kittens, puppies, another male cat, all of which Prince did not like. Instead of working out his problems through talking, he took off. Occasionally we would catch him and bring him home where he would hiss at us for a few days, and then he would be off to the other woman's house. When he would return, he was thinner, smelled heavenly, and had remarkably shiny fur. Well, on Sunday, I finally met the other woman at a block party. And she is delightful! I kind of thought she would be, but my suspicions were confirmed. Prince has been home for several months now. We made the choice to take the other cats at our house to live on a Nebraska farm in a barn, and keep Prince happy. It's been working. He meows at our door, and no longer hisses, and sleeps on various beds at night. He hasn't smelled like the other woman for months. "Did y...

The evening before the solar eclipse I talked to a man who came from California to Nebraska to see it in totality. He told me about watching a solar eclipse in Hawaii next to the hot flowing lava of a volcano. "The lava was nothing compared to the totality of the eclipse. It is the single most spectacular event in nature I've ever seen." Oh, so I guess it's worth me driving an hour and a half to Alliance to see it? Let me get in my van and do this thing. Since we were going to Alliance, I really wanted to watch the solar event at Carhenge. Carhenge makes me laugh. And I like to think of the people who created Stonehenge and tracked the astronomical events, maybe even watching their own solar ecplise, and I feel connected to humanity in a tribal way. But the connection comes with satire, because, cars stacked in representation of gigantic pagan stones. It's funny, people. Turns out, I was one of many who thought watching the eclipse at this location would be...