The Scampering Horse

I witnessed a shocking confession.  It was Christmas time, the snow was on the ground. There was a beautifully decorated Christmas tree as a backdrop. My adorable friends with freckles sprinkling her nose says,"I hate the song Silent Night . I really hate it." I have made a realization about myself that is equally, if not more shocking, and definitely more hideous. You know those pictures of newborn babies all smooshed up with their cute little hands tucked under their chins? It freaks me out. Newborn baby pictures give me the creeps. Somehow my brain sees the photos as baby boudoir, or the babies look like they are lifeless and wrapped up in mummy cloth. Why do people find a baby wrapped up like a zombie adorable? Why is putting flowers or an animal hat on the naked baby even cuter? I don't know how this fad caught on, but it really, really caught on. My question is, are there others out there? Or, am I alone in my monstrosity?

I have three goals for this year: 1) be grateful for my home, 2) keep writing, and 3) accomplish running goals I will be writing about the third goal. Ever since I ran this Ultra Ragnar in August of this year, I feel like the only limits are the ones I set on myself. It is kind of silly that running would open the world to me, but for whatever reason, it has. Like traveling has, but I can do it anywhere. I want to see how far I can go. So, this year I have registered, planned out my training schedule, and even started running long runs on Saturdays in preparation for my distance goals. But despite the schedule, I know that I am already training. One of my realizations while I was running the Ragnar that I didn't train for, is that I did train for it. Not by running long distances though, which is what I had previously thought I needed to do in order to run long distances. I thought I was not ready to run 30 miles because had only been doing cross-fit, yoga, and small runs h...

If you haven't seen the new Star Wars movie yet, you didn't care enough to avoid the spoilers anyway. The movie has been out for weeks, and you could have asked to watch it for Christmas. If you asked for ANYTHING else, your priorities are already established, and I have no pity for you. That movie was freaking awesome. Where am I on the Star Wars fangirl spectrum? Truth is, I haven't seen all of the original movies. I want to see them now. Currently, I have seen bits and pieces. I know Princess Leia wore a gold bikini, and Yoda talked backwards, and Luke was good with the saber and Darth Vader was his father, and I liked those Ewoks very much. I saw the Prequels that the true fans hated, and I loved them. They are what first got me interested in the stories and characters. Then I watched the animated Clone Wars with my husband at night on Netflix. Those cartoons were so good! Ahsoka Tano is one of the most interesting characters I've ever met. Her cool ears...

"He looks weyed" said my two year old little boy. "Yeah, why is he moving like that?" responded my four year old girl. "He is weawing bwuw," said the boy. "I like the guwl betta," commented my little girl. And thus the night proceeded, with little voices giving live commentary in my ears. Occasionally they would get out of their seats and try one of the moves. We were in the front row, so there was some room up near the stage. To me the first dance was about for sure about the wind and maybe some old vs new. The dance was choreographed in Nebraska, and the wind is a strong force here, hard to ignore. The first dance did not have music. It was a man and a woman. The man was dressed in blue and the woman was dressed in earth tones: a green blouse and a pleated khaki skirt. She also had leg warmers. One of the leg warmers fell down partway through the dance. To me the man represented the fight against the weather and change. His movements wer...

I didn't end up writing a family Christmas letter this year, because writing the glossed over Christmas letter felt fake. In reality, this year was very difficult for me emotionally, spiritually, and socially. I faced the most difficult depressive episode I have ever faced in my life. It was longer, more intense, and lower than I've ever had before. In addition to depression, I had to deal with a social situation that both exacerbated the depression and created a learning experience all its own. I experienced social anxiety and panic attacks for the first time. Dealing with healing and letting go of relationships, all the while having my actions or inactions, words or lack thereof being looked at, judged, and then retold to me through the microscope of my small town added another layer of confusion, guilt, and difficulty in navigating my mental health/social/spiritual recovery. The year was hard. It pushed me in directions I didn't naturally move in. It made me miss...

Today is the second snow day in a row. When I was a kid, I loved snow days. I would play in the snow, and watch movies, make crafts, my mom would bake something delicious. Playing in the snow involved intricate waterproofing involving plastic bags inside of socks, and the art of layering. I grew up in New Mexico and our snow days were few and far between, but we loved it. We would make snow ice-cream: snow, milk, vanilla, and sugar. And, I would make a giant mess involving paper, scissors, water color paints. Or maybe we would play a giant game of Monopoly. Anyways, snow days were joyful days. I am lame at snow days as a mom. I don't like going OUT in the snow, so I am stuck inside, avoiding the snow. I clean. I do laundry. I rest up, being home is exhausting, and I clean up after my kids. Not as fun. Anyway. Today is the second snow day in a row. Yesterday, I had a sick husband and a sick child, and I didn't feel so hot myself. I spent a lot of the day fevering and comp...

I lived in Beijing, China in 2007 for a few months. We left Las Cruces, NM and flew into the bustling airport of Beijing in February and came home in July. Ian studied Chinese language on a study abroad. I kept up my masters degree classwork online. It was so stressful. Naively, we went relying on the college to help us with housing, but once we got there we were informed that there was no married student housing. Students in China are not allowed to marry while going to college. We were homeless in a place where I was completely reliant other people to take care of  me. I was taking care of my first baby. She was nine month old, and I was newly pregnant with baby number two. I was sick. I was super hungry, and finding food was kind of hard and confusing. Grocery stores weren't plentiful, transportation was difficult, and we didn't know where things were. It was cold. So cold. We lived for a couple of weeks in a motel that smelled like smoke because smoking outside isn't ...